"And now they're going to get a horse collar call....blah, blah, blah and win the game!!!!" - Isaac

Watching the Chicago Bears fighting for a chance to be in the playoffs evokes great emotion from my husband. And what the crap is a horse collar? I'm guessing grabbing the back of the jersey? I have no idea.

There's been several disburbing things happen within the community of Christ lately. It's like a heavy cloud. A thick fog perhaps is setting in. At least that's the image I get. Ususally I think those things is when God is moving and Satan gets nervous. I don't understand any of it. I wish I did. But no matter how cheesey it may sound, the one thing I do believe is that there is HOPE. There's a way out. Like we've learned from the Salvage series, our lives can be Restored, Recycled, Recovered and Released. God'll take that crap and turn it into treasure. Maybe this week has just been a reminder that we live in an imperfect world and that's why we need a perfect Saviour.

On a personal note, please pray for may Grandma Johnson. She's been in and out of the hospital since April and is now back in. After several days of debating, the doctors have apparently decided that she does in fact have congestive heart failure. Which apparently sounds a lot scarier than it is. But they also think she might have pnomonia in her right lung as well. Regardless, she's on oxygen and might go home on Christmas Eve or Christmas. She's 89. Honestly, after all she's gone thru, I'm surprised she's still here. No one in my family seems worried too much about this latest bout, but with the weirdness of this past week, I figure a little prayer or two couldn't hurt.

The {re}gifter has been going so well. 2 days down, one more to go. I'm so proud of everyone who's worked on this crew. They're all so talented. It's been really cool working with them. I hope I have the opportunity to do it again. Soon.

"Where's the horse collar? That was a horse collar..." Isaac. Oh, the ref just called it an illegal horse collar. 15 yd penalty. Is there such a thing as a legal horse collar? And I think I was right about the jersey thing. Ohhhh, I'm wicked smart.

lucky me

Diane Keaton's glasses bug me. She's way prettier without those tinted things. For that matter, everyone else is as well. Tinted glasses to do not flatter anyone. Glad I got that off my chest.

Today is my 2 year anniversary at work. I may complain every once in a while because what I do isn't very glamorous, but honestly, deep down, I really like that job. Even though the mortgage industry has been down the past several years, my employers have treated me well and kept me on board. And that means a lot. And I believe in that company.

Grade A

If these don't just scream 'Classy' I don't know what will.

side note- I look a preggers in one of the photos. I'm not. I had a lot of layers on. And I'm fat. Don't believe the illusion.

And yes, that is a pink bunny on my head.

break through?

So Isaac says I'm not terribly spiritually vunerable. I take offense to that statement on most days, but on the days when I'm being honest with myself, I'll agree that there's truth behind it. I think maybe it goes in waves. And he just hasn't been around long enough to see the other waves. for example, college. or even immediately after I graduated. Because by those standards, there's parts of me that are radically different. Life has a way of molding you. I wish he knew me in college. anyhoo.

So sometimes when my pastors encourage us to do certain things or be more open, etc, I'll either leave the service or check out. bad habit. goes back to the spiritually vunerable thing.

A few weeks ago there was something on my mind that I thought I was ready to let go of. I told Isaac about it. I don't remember exactly what happened, I just know I got really annoyed and decided that I wouldn't let go of "it". Of those dreams. I stuck my toe in the water and decided it was way to cold to jump in.

So somewhere between then and now one of the pastors talked about letting go of your dreams and trusting that God might hand them back but he might just give you something better. his plans. his dreams. at least, that's kinda what I understood. I listened to the sermon online again today a couple of more times. https://www.vineyardcincinnati.com/lastweek.php

so tonight while I was home by myself I turned off the tv, closed the computer and told God He could have them. Actually, technically, I asked for a long and healthy life with Isaac, but other than that, the things that I think I can do or would like to do are gone. If He truly has a better plan in store, let's see it. I had a visual image of wadding up a piece of paper and throwing it away. I'm not sure how good of a swimmer I am, but I'm pretty sure I just jumped in.

What's In A Name?

I'm watching The Santa Claus 2 on The Disney Channel. I wish I didn't like it so much, but I really do. Tim Allen is funny. And I really liked his Michigan commericals this past summer. I actually considered going. And did you know that the head elf Bernard is now on the tv show, Numbers?

So the other day when I started this blog, I spent like 50 minutes trying to find a blog name that wasn't already taken. No one should spend that long on a blog name. So I finally came upon Intertwining Emotions and Chin Hair. Both I find to be true on occasion but I wasn't sure how serious people would take me with a name like Chin Hair....

By the way, the mastermind behind the {Re}Gifter at VCC, Brad Wise, also came up with a cool idea for a blog. I get to help with it. Basically, each Monday night I send out a unique photo and you then have until the following Monday at 11am to write a blog entry involving the photo and it can only be 110 words or less. Check out www.110words.blogspot.com or send me an e-mail at the110experiement@yahoo.com to join.

I might pee myself if I don't get off of here. And it's on commerical break. So I won't miss any Santa Claus 2.

Late Night

I got home from Norwood last night around 12:45ish? Maybe 1am. who knows. anyway, i just remember I took a hot shower in an attempt to thaw my limbs out (the {re}gifter shoot was outside last night). I got out 25 minutes later. then feel asleep looking at the computer on the couch/waiting for Isaac to get home. He got home around 2am? maybe?? Anyway, he took a hot bath in order to thaw out and then at some point I actually went to sleep in our bed. We are so beat.

I woke up today at 11:49am when Isaac called from work to let me know that I shouldn't go out. Apparently, it's slick. And snowing quite a bit. Anyway, I've had a headache ever since.

I'm doing some laundry, dishes and I need to get off of here so I can write a script. (More on that later) Then it's time for some Christmas decorating. Or painting my toenails. whichever.

The {Re}Gifter

I've had the pleasure to be a volunteer on VCC's Christmas Production, called the {Re}Gifter. It's smartly written and directed by Brad Wise. Isaac is the 2nd Assistant Director. I assist with makeup and continuity. But I sorta suck at continuity. I can't even spell it. But I really enjoy the makeup aspect.

Check out http://www.regiftershow.com/ for more information and to reserve your FREE tickets. But do it soon, the seats are filling up quickly!!!

Don't Bring Me Down... No, No, No, No, No

I love Electric Light Orchestra.

So I originally decided not to tell too many people I had a blog. Mainly because I was afraid that people would read it and judge me. (see below) But since I'm dealing the whole judging/fear thing, I figured what the crap. If you read the last post and judged me then so what. I've got issues. You've got issues. No biggie.

Isaac's making baked spagetti tonight. He's pretty awesome. I'm glad we're married. He's good for me. And while I'm at it, I'm going to make a list of things I dig.

* King of the Hill
* My hottie Husband
* Q City Players http://www.qcityplayers.blogspot.com/
* 110 words http://www.110words.blogspot.com/
* Debbie - she's probably the nicest, most sincere person I've ever met. She glows Jesus. She inspires me
* pooping
* Christmas decorations - makes me feel warm inside. Let me be happy, Joe & Isaac. Don't be cynical about this
* Vineyard Community Church http://www.vineyardcincinnati.com/
* Frank Marzullo - he's a darn good weatherman
* My Grandma Wilder - she's endured a lot, but she's still maintained a positive attitude.

weird day

So I finally broke down and got a blog. MySpace just kinda makes me feel like I should just be learning how to drive or talking about the boy in 5th period.... I might keep it just to stay in contact with old friends...

I went to a baby shower in Louisville for some old friends today. I knew these 2 back in college and I hadn't seen them in probably 6 years. On the drive back I started realizing how much I had actually missed them all of those years. Granted, I've been TERRIBLE about keeping in contact, but all I wanted to do after leaving the shower was serve with them again. I remembered all of the mission trips, long talks, creative ministries weekends and I wanted to be a part of that again. I had forgotten how much I missed those two.

Do you ever feel like you should be way farther ahead in life than you are? Like maybe you missed something or you're in the process of watching it fly by? I didn't really feel that way until I turned 28.... But I feel like I'm starting things late or it's too late to start other things. I told a friend this the other day and he just smiled. I know it's retarded. But I swear, some days I feel like I have just been left behind.

I recently finished a class at the church I attend called Hidden Agendas, taught by Erin Campbell Ministries. I was originally interested in it because I thought it was about learning about other people's hidden agendas. It wasn't. It was about figuring out mine : ) Things like fear, people pleasing, procrastination, the critical spirit, the controlling spirit, etc.... It was a journey, but one that I'm glad I took. I realized over the past year or two that I have some serious issues. I guess everybody does, I think I just didn't realize I had any. Marriage tends to bring your flaws to the surface. Which I guess is a good thing. That way you at least can recognize what needs to be dealt with. I think some of the things that I learned about in class, things that I have allowed to hold me back, are generational. And some things, I think I have just allowed to control me. Being fearful. Judgemental. Never being completely satisfied with my own efforts. Not seeing my own self worth. Always feeling like a failure. I made a promise to myself after the class ended that I would continue to push myself to work on these things. That I didn't just finish a 10 week series, but that I began a healing process that will probably take me the rest of my life to complete. So if I come up to you after church or I send a random e-mail apologizing for something that I'm sure you now hate me for, just understand that I'm seriously trying to work thru some things. The overly apologizing will probably be one of the hardest things to let go. I'm so fearful of people judging me that it holds back. But again, this is something I've promised myself that I'll work on.

And while I'm purging all of my ugliness out there.... I've been feeling super ginormous lately. Like, I get that I'm fat, but I've gained 30 lbs in a year. I went to the gym up until last month. It didn't even slow the weight gain down. I mean, it's not like I eat whole pizzas or something. Granted, I'm emotional eater, so I do eat a lot, but so does my brother and he's skinny. This is the heaviest I've ever been. I was looking thru some pictures on Thanksgiving and I wanted to puke. I grossed myself out. I look like a blob. I'm actually to the point where I feel disgusting. I was at some friends house the other night and I was leaning back on this huge plush chair thingie and I realized near the end of the evening that they must have thought I looked disgusting. And I was really having a good time until I thought of that. I watched about 2 or 3 hours worth of documentaries on extremely overweight people a few weeks back. People who were like 600-1000lbs. I know it's messed up, but that's how I feel people view me now. And I'm afraid I'll end up like that.

In church tonight Joe talked about letting go of trying to control your own life and letting God rule. I believe there is a direct link between the issues that I deal with and control. My husband says I have issues being spiritually vulnerable. Maybe I should try letting God take full control and see what happens. Joe also talked about names and their meaning and how God sometimes changes your name to suit what you are to become. And how God can take our crap and make it new and better than we imagined. I hope the God who saves will change my name soon.