Victory is Mine!

Thanksgiving

So.... I woke up this morning at 4am, and arrived at the West Chester Wal-Mart around 4:45 or 4:50am. I left Wally World around 8am. wowzers. I caught people picking thru my cart 2x. um, hello! The 2nd lady was very apologetic. She thought my cart was returns..... whatever. I just don't think I have ever picked thru someone else's cart before, for any reason. That's like not knocking before opening a bathroom door. It's just uncalled for. Anyway, I did some major damage Christmas shopping and got about 97% of what I came in for. Couldn't find the $2 pyrex pie plates and $2 pyrex casserole dishes. And the $24 5 piece set card table. bummer. However, I will say that because I shopped so long, I litterally had no line. I just walked right up and checked out. That part was pretty sweet.

Then I came home and Isaac went shopping. In the meantime, I took my thawed out turkey and took the wrappings off. That was interesting. I apologized to my naked turkey as I took it's innerds out thru, what I can only assume is it's butthole. I found it's neck thru an opening in the middle. And then it's bloody juiceness ran everywhere. HURL. BARF. BARF. uck.

After I drained it, I stuck it in a roasting pan I borrowed from my mom and coated it with butter. (the bird, not the pan) Then I threw some salt and pepper on the outside. What do I know? So now it's roasting. Then I made 'stained glass jell-o. It's something that my Grandma Johnson used to make for holiday meals and I always loved it. It's basically jell-o, cool whip, marshmellows and graham cracker crumbs. Since I'm making Thanksgiving for Grandma this year, I thought I could make it... Even if she doesn't remember that she used to make it, perhaps she'll recall good memories by eating it... wishful thinking. Anyway, so I was all jazzed about making this. The directions said to gently mix the jell-o with the cool whip, etc... I did. There's nothing about it that looks stained glass. Nothing.

So I added a layer of graham crackers crumbs to the top and layered with marshmellows. wow. I hope my turkey turns out better than this.

a little prayer

I have a friend who has Lupus. Most people can function from day to day, my friend as a slightly different battle. I believe today was her 3rd or 4th just this year alone. She is on heavy doses of meds every day just so she won't have flare ups. The heavy doses end up causing her other battles.

When I swung by the hospital today, I met her parents in the waiting room. She got out of surgery at 3:30pm, but was in severe pain. They said she hadn't stopped crying and screaming in pain since she had woke up. It was 6:30pm and they still hadn't moved her out of recovery. She had been given 4 doses of morphine and it hadn't even touched her. The doctors said she should be knocked out with that much in her system.

Please pray that the pain subsides. And the doctors can find out what's wrong with her quickly.

Prepare to Laugh Out Loud

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/10/02/embarassing.health.confessions/index.html

Taping into My Brain

* I am now a shareholder at the Vineyard Community Church in Springdale. I am honestly pretty excited about this. It feels legit. I've taken my time considering this and I feel pretty good about belonging to a non perfect church with non perfect people. But it's people that I love and who love Jesus.

* My brother moved out of my parents house to an apartment. Isaac and I are going to go see it on Sunday

* Julee's birthday is tomorrow. Aparently no one is supposed bring it up, but I have no idea why.

* Happy Birthday Julee

*At the end of 2008 I pulled a muscle in my chest during a nasty case of hiccups. Today I had a particularly fiesty hiccup episode at work. I ended up pulling a muscle in my back. Actually, it's more behind my left shoulder muscle. I made it worse tonight leaving church.

* I think Adam from Man vs Food is adorable.

* There are still TONS of volunteer roles left to fill at the Prom. www.vineyarcincinnati.com/prom
* we need lots of help being someone's buddy for the evening, registration, we need computers for registration, we need hairdressers and make up artists, girls to be a part of Deal or No Deal, parking lot volunteers, people to help others in the bathroom, dancers... you get the picture. Just go to the above link to register. If you have any trouble, let me know and I'll hook you up.

* I'm going to Myrtle Beach with my extremely hot husband and extended family members in the next month or so. I've never been before.

* I still desperately want a dog for Christmas.

* USA plays at least 4 back to back episodes of Law and Order: SVU How much better could it get?

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my favorite Dad in the world!

Bling The Flops

So at last year's dress fittings for The Prom, there were really beautiful, teeny tiny, 4 inch heeled shoes for the guests to choose from. Gorgeous shoes, but they weren't the most comfortable or safest for some of our guests to wear all evening. So as a way to honor our guest's feet for the October 2nd Prom at the Vineyard, we're going to bling out 200-500 pairs of flip flops!

If you have any unused flip flops, ribbon, faux flowers, glue guns, sewing scissors or anything else "crafty" and you would like to donate them, please mark your donation "Bling the Flops" and place in the outreach bins in the lobbies at the Vineyard Community Church in Springdale by Sunday, September 13th. Or just let me know and I'll come get them.

Also, if you're snazzy with a glue gun, bring a friend and meet me in the Great Rooms at VCC from 2-7pm on Sunday, Sept 13th. I'm trying to gather about 60 volunteers to help bling out these flip flops!!! Come armed with a glue gun and sewing scissors and a smile.

things I've been learning

During the summer of '09, the vineyard I attend has been going thru the 10 commandments as part of their Summer of Love series. Basically, identifying why the 10 commandments fall under the 2 most important commandments - to love God and love each other.

Anyway, this past Saturday Joe taught about commandment #8 - not stealing. You shouldn't steal things, even if you really want to. And to go further with that commandment, not only don't steal, but live generously. Give what you've got.

Immediately after I left church that night, Isaac and I drove to ashland to visit family. I slept almost the entire 3 hour drive. I woke up as we turned onto the street where Isaac's family live. I literally woke up as we passed by my brother-in-law's truck with the new tags hanging out of the license plate, almost touching the ground. This particular b-i-l is a complete jerk. Total jerk. I could have completely reasoned with myself on why it was okay to simply reach out and take the tags. He would have never known. But instead, I said out loud - "Thou shall not steal. Even though I really want to." I know better than to steal things. What would I have done had I not gone to church that night?

But then I started thinking about all of the different ways that I maybe didn't steal, but I wasn't generous. Like the other day when I went thru Arby's. I had a coupon to get a $5 sandwich for free. As I sat in line waiting for my order, I just beamed with joy about the great deal we got on our house (totally believe that was a gift from God) and just before I left for Arby's, I found out that I got a sweet, sweet deal on some appliances we needed. Anyway, I pulled forward in the drive thru and paid for the drink and fries, handed the man my coupon and waited for my food. I noticed that their was a lady in a truck behind me and then I remembered how the vineyard encouraged us that "small things done with great love will change the world" and one simple way to show that is by paying for the person behind you's food. But then I talked myself out of it, because I didn't have any cards. Lame-o. And then God reminded me how I had just been celebrating all that He had given me. that He's the provider of all good things. I ended up paying for her food and asked the cashier to tell her that God loved her. But as I pulled away, all I could think about was how far I have to go. While even though I have grown leaps and bounds in regards to giving money away, I clearly have a LONG way to go. This idea of being a servant and being generous is still not natural to me. There are moments when I hear a clear call, but there's also those moments where I want to steal or at least not give $6 away.

In small group last night we discussed this section of James 3


13 -16 Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom—it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throats.

17 -18 Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.


Once again, this evening I was reminded of how far I have to go. I got so ticked because I didn't receive this huge coupon book from one of my favorite stores... long story. But the point is that in the long run, it doesn't matter. It wasn't mine to begin with. This past week I have been reminded over and over again that I've got a lot to learn about commandment #8 and that I am not overflowing with mercy. And I don't treat everyone with dignity and honor.

2 steps forward, 1 step back....

Abbi Grace

I am an aunt again. Little Abi Grace was born at 9:24am this morning. 3 weeks early and she was still over 8lbs. wow.

All little babies look like old men to me. But I'm sure she's destined to be cute.

Sometimes you just have to laugh out loud

CINCINNATI--A Colerain Township man allegedly told cops during a traffic stop that he didn't need valid license plates because he was Jesus.

It's a story you saw first on wcpo.com.

An officer reportedly pulled over 30-year-old William Raymond Wayt at the intersection of Sheed Road and Harrison Avenue in Green Township around 3:30 Wednesday morning for expired license plates.

At that point, Wayt allegedly told the officer he did not have to provide identifying information because "he was Jesus, and he owned 49 states, so he was on his own land and didn't need tags," the officer wrote in court paperwork.

Wayt, wearing camouflage cargo shorts and a white t-shirt, was booked for driving under suspension, false statements and improper display.

All charges are misdemeanors. The display count refers to this license plates on his 1979 Chevy truck. Footage of the incident is not available because Green Township police cruisers are not equipped with cameras, according to a spokeswoman.

So, I'm just wondering which state he doesn't own...

selfish moment

Most of you know that my Grandma Johnson hasn't been doing so hot since last April. Early stages of Alzheimer's and Dementia.

I haven't been able to see Grandma in a while so I've called a couple of times in the past weeks. When I called tonight I talked to Grandpa for a while (which is rare - he ususally gets off the phone quickly - but there had been a problem with one of the aides today) and at the end of the conversation, Grandpa asked me to hold on while he got Grandma on the phone.

I'm guessing he set the phone down, but I heard the whole conversation he had with Grandma. Basically, he said that Jennifer was on the phone (she no longer recoginizes me as 'Jenny') and Grandma asked who that was. Grandpa explained that I was their grandaughter.... She just really didn't want to talk on the phone. Sometimes she gets angry or frustrated easily, which is part of the disease, and I could hear it in her voice. Again, Grandpa asked her to just to talk for a second on the phone to me, etc. And again, she asked who Jennifer was. He again explained that I was there Grandaughter and that I was Winnie's daughter. She picked up but I could tell that she had no idea who I was. So I just said "Hello, Grandma. This is Jennifer, your grandaughter." We both asked how the other was at the same time. I said I was good and then she said that it was nice of me to call. End of conversation.

These 2 diseases just seem to be devestating. There are definite good moments, but it seems that the person you've known for so long is slipping away. And for their sake, you have to pretend that you don't notice. And honestly, nobody has it harder that my Grandma. How scary for her. And my Grandpa Johnson and my mom work endless to take care of her. They and other members of my family get the majority of the stress and have to deal with it everyday.

Here's my selfish moment - sometimes I get really upset that she doesn't remember me. Most times it's okay. I live the farthest away from her and I don't see her as much. And she tries to remember me. She does. Sometimes she thinks I'm her cousin or sometimes I'm her daughter. And sometimes she just gives me a blank stare. But there are the times when she knows who I am and we talk like we used to. Funny thing is, she always remembers who Isaac is. Go figure.

But as selfish as it sounds, I just don't want my grandma to forget me. It's not that I've done something so great in life, it's just that she's my grandma. And I want me to remember me.

Some days are just harder than others. There. Hopefully I'll quit balling now.

remembering

yesterday I posted a blog about my sincere distain for Carrie Prejean and her apparent lack of integrity. I am not recanting what I said - I still whole heartly believe it - however, I was reminded last night of something.



While Carrie's actions irritate me, we're in the same boat. I have said things and done things to people in my past that have hurt them and hurt God.



Look, there's no such thing as a perfect christian or a perfect church. Over the past several years I have heard numberous friends say, well, I'm not going to act like so and so. Or they're a bad Christian. Or how stupid could blah, blah, blah. And sometimes I'll say, "but that's us". basically, we're just as jacked up as whoever we were talking about. Last night I forgot who I was for a second.



Me and Carrie, we're in the same boat. I may not like some of her actions, but I need just as much mercy and forgiveness from Jesus as she does.

What Right Do We Have As Christians?

I've just got to say it- I am not a fan of Carrie Prejean. I am also not a fan of Perez Hilton. Seriously, who picked that guy to be a judge? I thought the original controversy over her answer at the Miss USA padgent was a bit blown out of perportion. Perez Hilton clearly has a lack of maturity. Clearly. However, it almost became this big hoopla of her losing the crown over her answer on gay marriage. As the Miss California padgent crew and several other news sources pointed out in the following days, Carrie was behind in the overall score even before she answered that fateful question. However, some Chrisitans and certain news stations made this huge stink (and continue to) about her answer to the question making her lose the crown. Surely Carrie knew the scores in the aftermath, yet she never set the record straight. In fact, she added to the fire with a bit of smugness. And then came the topless shots and the fact that she didn't disclose the information to the padgent ahead of time and also that there was a communication issue.

I watched the press conference when Donald Trump stood by her side and said that all was well and that she would still be Miss California. Carrie just sat there so smug. Instead of being humbled that she almost lost her title for ridiculous crap she had done, she had this sense of, "I beat the system". Instead of apologizing for the topless shots, she made excuses. She was 17 at the time. Her friend took some. The professional photographer leaked the others to embarass her. She was so angry at the photographer, yet she took the photos so she could get work like that. Her answer to the reason why she failed to tell padgent officals about the topless photos - it was a 12 page application. And she's studying to be a teacher??

Today, Carrie was dethroned from the title of Miss California. Padgent officals are saying that Carrie wasn't keeping up with communication that she was pushing her own issues while representing Miss California. Carrie's pastor appeared on HLN network and basically said that she's done everything she's been asked to do, blah, blah, blah.

The thing that bothers me the most is that thru all of this, it seems that Carrie and her following have been more than willing to tote the whole "Because I'm a Christian, this is why I've been kicked out/picked on/etc" . How about you take some responability for your actions, apologize for your poor judgement, be grateful that you weren't kicked out 3 weeks ago and grovel for forgiveness from padgent officals? Carrie Prejean represented the state of California and had obligations to uphold. She was to be truthful in her answers and clearly, choose not to be and has been toting the gay marriage soapbox ever since.

It's not just Carrie Prejean that annoys me. It's when I see Christians act like they're owed something. That they're only getting picked on because of their beliefs, not because of their own irresponible behavior. What do Christians have to be smug about anyway?

there. that's been bothering me for a while.

good times

oh blog, how I have ignored thee for Facebook.... I've mistreated you, and I'm sorry.

Things that are on my mind and/or you should check out:


* http://rejoicephotos.blogspot.com/ Tracey's pretty amazing. As were my models.
* I've got snack at small group on Thursday and I'm not sure what to bring
* My dad has been super sick but is not back home and doing better. There, that wraps up how my dad's been since the end of April.
* Grandma's not doing so hot
* I think we're buying a house
* My husband is pretty dang hot
* I'm super geeked about Isaac's Kickin Kickball and Grillout on Sunday
* www.110words.blogspot.com

There. Updates from the past month... for the most part.

oh my

I think I am a little stressed. I broke out into hives about an 1hr ago and am currently typing this during what is probably my 7th poop in 45 minutes.

my amazing carmel pumkin tealight candle from the bath & body works outlet is losing the battle.

there. just thought I would leave you with those images burning in your mind.

you can thank me later.

I'm a Giver

I gave blood tonight at the Hoxworth Blood Center in Fairfield. I used to give it a bit more in college and after, but I typically don't up here as much. It seems like such a longer process and it freaks me out being there so long. But every once in a while, I'll suck up my fear and pump away. Today was one of those days.

Very friendly people but I swear the lady stabbed my arm with the needle. I was still in pain by the time I got home. Like, a considerable amount of pain. I ended up ripping the band-aid off and now it's just a slight throb. And I have a headache. But I can't take any ibprofen (blood thinner). Poop.

I did find out that I am O-negative, which means I can give to anybody, but I can only receive O-negative blood. So basically, if I'm ever in a tramatic accident, and the hospital doesn't have enough O-neg blood, I'm screwed.

I seem to be complaining a fair amount about something that I willingly gave. In all seriousness, the worst that will happen to me is that I might have a bruise tomorrow. But I'm potentially saving someone else's life. So was it worth it making this small sacrifice? Of course. The gain is much greater than the loss.

The same can be said for our spiritual lives. Is God asking you to do something that might seem uncomfortable or a little painful now, but in the end has a greater reward? Take the leap. You may lose a little blood, but you'll save a life.

Laugh Your Butt Off This Friday Night

The amazing comedy improv troupe that I manage, The Q City Players, are performing this Friday night at Cincinnati Ballet Tech in Montgomery. Here are all of the pertinent details:

When: THIS Friday, April 3rd
8-10pm
Where: Ballet Tech Cincinnati 6543 Montgomery Rd Cincinnati, OH 45213
513-841-2822 for questions
Why: Because we're funny and you'll love us
How Much: Only $5 a person (pay at door)

Doors open at 7:30pm and the show will begin at 8pm. Please be considerate of the performers and arrive before 8pm. Besides, you'll get a MUCH better seat that way!

The shows are typically PG-13 (at their naughtiest. haha) so young children may not appreciate the humor as much as the adults might.

The show runs about 2 hours with an intermission. You may purchase snacks during this time.

If you've never been to an improv show before, think about the popular tv show, Who's Line Is It Anyway? and that will give you a better idea. So grab a friend and meet us down in Montgomery, OH this Friday. You won't regret it!

oh-kee-do-kee

so I've been toying with/meaning to write this blog entry for, um like 2 or 3 weeks now. I kept wussing out. But then I read my buddy Chris Day's blog yesterday http://drivingwithoutmirrors.blogspot.com/2009/03/lets-confess.html (I wish I was cool enough to figure out a simple link, but I'm not) and it spurred me on. If Chris is willing to be take a risk and stick his neck out, then I am too.

So, here are my confessions. I'm guessing someone else out there might feel/deal with some of these same issues... I believe that there's healing and freedom in confessing. At least I think/hope there is.

* I have an issue with over eating. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, tired, nervous, scared, whenever. Sometimes I get really upset about my over eating problem and then I eat more because I'm so upset.
* I don't really diet because I don't ever think I'll look any different.
* Sometimes I have trouble with the way that I look. Actually, I almost always have trouble with the way I look, it's just that sometimes it gets really bad. Sometimes I feel that I look like a monster.
* I wonder if my friends think I am a slob who eats too much. I wonder if they consider me their 'fat friend'.
* I recently found out that a good friend wears the same size clothes as me. I don't think she's fat. So I'm confused on why I think I'm so horrendous some days.
* I weigh more than most of the men/friends in my life.
* I think I am a bad wife.
* I have a bad temper
* I expect an e-mail/phone call back immediately after I've sent one. I realize this is ridiculous, yet it still irks me
* It really bothers me that I am mediocre at some many things. I have trouble pin pointing something I am excellent at.
* I don't think any employers would ever want to hire me
* I have weird hair that grows out of my neck sometimes. This bothers me.
* I don't yet understand what it means to be a wife and a Christian and go after your own dreams.
* I hate people telling me what to do.
* I want everyone to like me. I don't really understand why some don't.
* I feel like a failure when people don't tell me how much they love me. This is petty, I know.
* I'm jealous of how talented my husband is.
* My church encouraged us in the beginning of '09 to pick one point in our lives that we would change. I figured I should lose weight, but I didn't pray about any of it. I was terrified to hear God say that I was fat. That would have been too much. So I just didn't do anything. I at least kept coming to church. But I hated that series.


I could probably go on and on for another 10 minutes, but I won't. This should be enough ammo for you to judge me/hate me with. haha. sigh.

There's something that I really want to blog about but feel like it might be a bit inappropriate or maybe just a tad rude. And with the amount of tack that I have... maybe I shouldn't.

Well, what the heck... here's the politically correct vague version. There are rules set up for a reason. Everyone should learn them and work together as a team. Learning more than one character is a good idea. Agree and accept will take you a loooooonnnnnggggggg way. Just because you can cuss and talk all dirty doesn't make you an "adult" and certainly doesn't make you funny. The people I have surrounded myself with are not only incredibly witty and intelligent but naturally funny and truly work hard as a team. And because they follow the guidelines laid out for them, they look good as a group.

I have a very funny friend who I wish would become a Jedi Knight. Or at least a Wookie.

lovely day

anybody remember Out of Eden?

Anyway, today was amazing. I was busy last night so I went to church this morning. It was really awesome. Normally I freak out if I have to be quiet and focus on "prayer" but this was really amazing. Brad and Isaac did a wonderful job.

Anyway, so I totally enjoyed the celebration, saw a ton of friends that I normally don't see on the weekends, went home and just enjoyed being with Isaac. Nothing special, just ate leftovers and slept a bit on the couch. Then he woke me up and we went out. It felt like one of our old date nights - where it didn't matter what we did, it was just nice being with each other. I wore jeans and my Conner Pep Club t-shirt I got back in 1997. I had already washed off my makeup and the ugly zit that has formed next to my mouth was in clear view. But I didn't care. I was with Isaac. We dropped off some movies at the library and then drove to Hamilton and walked around Big Lots for a while. Then we ate from the dollar menu at Sonic and eventually ended up at Jungle Jims. We agreed on $10 a piece and came out pretty good.

This may sound like a ridicoulous way to spend an evening but I'm telling you I was so freaking happy. It's nice to be able to come home to somebody you love and not do anything special, but still know that you're very important. That they want to spend time with you. To be in the same room as you. To eat meals with and laugh with. That's a really nice feeling and a great way to end the weekend.

A little more snot, a little less fever

I was really kinda whiny yesterday, wasn't I? It's amazing how attitudes change when you fever finally breaks and you've had a full 24 hours of rest. I've been on antibotics for a full 24 hrs now, so I'm no longer contagious. I cough a lot more today and I can't quit blowing my nose (so please don't hold my head - or shake it) and I still sound like a she-man. But I've done a couple loads of laundry and I did do the dishes. But most everything that I have put at the top of my "super important, can't wait another minute" list has been put on hold. I feel kinda bad for that. But at the same time, putting everything before my health and sleep probably put me in this position. And I'm not complaining about any of the things I took on. I took them on because I believe in each of them. I'm really excited and happy to be a part of them. I just need to rearrange some priorities a little. Scale back on some and I've already dropped some others. It's a weird juggle. But as I've learned several times over the past weeks, I have to sleep and quit eating so poorly. Who am I kidding - I will probably always eat poorly. I will probably always be really fat. But that's another blog for another day. But I do tend to eat my way thru stressful situations, whether it's for the caffine or simply something to do with my hands or for the sheer comfort.

I'm not sure if I'm had a true night off in 4 weeks. I come home from work and work on side projects. My lunch breaks on spent on side projects. I love my side projects. I just have seemed to cram them all together. Silly, confused me.

As a side note, for those of you who were wondering about the pee incidents at work - they seem to have subsided. I must have raised enough stink. lucky me.

Sick a roo

i am sick. i feel like crap. weird chesty cough thing. i sound like a she-man. super achy. fever. i haven't been able to cool down in like an hour.

i had to drive to mason this morning to head to the doctor. the doc thought it was the flu. i didn't. they swabbed my nose and made me wait about 20-30 minutes to get the results. i think i might have fallen asleep, except i was so achy, i kept moving around. turns out, i was correct-a-mundo on the no flu thing. so the nurse told me they didn't know what it was and that the doc was giving me a rx for a zpac and some chest medicine.

i don't have time to get sick. but it seems as if God has some other plans. sometimes i don't listen very well.

isaac's cousin is coming in tomorrow. normally i would be excited about this. but i feel so crappy that i'm not. maybe i'll feel better by tomorrow. i'm not cleaning the house, though. he's 18, so he probably won't care.

i've eaten ice cream and had a cold washcloth on my head for like 45 mins. i can't cool down. argh. mainly i'm being whiny. it's been nice to just chill out for most of today, though.

tiny, little rant

Okay, so for the past 9 or so months, I have noticed that at least once or twice a week I have to wipe pee off of a particular stall in the ladies bathroom at work. This really irks me. We are all grown women and there's only 2 stalls to begin with. And the other stall's toilet never stops running and sits way low to the floor. So like 4 out of the 5 women who work in this office do our business in the good stall. The one with the shelf inside and the taller toilet...

After 9 months of fuming after cleaning urine off of the toilet I've come to some conclusions.

1) This person is a squatter. What is a squatter you might ask? She can also go by hoverer. This individual does not want to sit on the seat itself for fear of germs so they will mold into a squatting position, hovering over a specific toilet or bush or whatever and pee. Safety first.

2) This person is a shaker. This is typically only used in emergencies when one realizes after they have gone #1 that there is no toilet paper or used tissues jammed in ones pocket that are available. One either stands up from the seat or they are already in the squatting position (see above). For fear of wetness or nappy underwear feeling, the individual will simply "shake" the excess urine off of their nether regions by doing a slight dance per say, something similar to a tiny hula hoop action. There is no need for large gyrations, for fear of sloshy urine ending up across the stall or worse yet, one's favorite pair of jeans or recently pedicured toes.

3) This person after shaking any excess bodily fluids off then shuts their eyes with some ferocity and whips around to flush the toilet, never viewing the toilet below.

4) This person also will then scurry out of the bathroom completely avoiding the sink (remember, they shake - no dirty hands) altogether. Unless, of course someone is walking in around the time of the blind flush, then the person must run the hands under the water if necessary. There is a 5 second limit for the hands being wet.

5) This person needs to drink a lot more water. Their urine is an unhealthy shade of sunshine yellow.

I have fantastic deductive reasoning skills. I mean fantastic. I figured out who this individual was within a few mere weeks of the urine samples being left. And don't even get me started on the poop I had to wipe off of the good toilet seat a couple of months back. OMG. Anyway, I know who she is and I know she doesn't wash her hands. I can only guess about blind flush, though. But the reason for the hovering must be because of the fear of germs. Which, the thing is, if everybody wiped their freaking pee off the toilet seat or just sat down and always their hands, there would be less germs. There would be no need for hovering, except for gas station and fast food restaurants stalls....

So after months and months of cleaning off peed on toilet seats, I finally asked my boss to buy some Lysol wipes to keep in the bathroom stall. I then typed a note and taped it to the inside portion of the stall asking frequent urinaters to turn around and look to see if they had peed on the seat. If they had, they needed to use the conveniently placed Lysol wipes and WIPE IT UP. It was almost a week and no pee. I was so happy. Then last Thursday, in the middle of my 2 day pms-fest, I found it. The urine. So I used the Lysol wipes on the toilet. And then I found it again today. Anger burns inside me. The pee is not invisible. I can see it. It's the color of the Yellow Power Ranger. And the bathroom in this building is always set at a negative degree. So heaven forbid someone actually would sit down in the aforementioned pee, it is not entirely impossible that they would become stuck to the toilet. The warmth of their bottom mixing with the frozen tundra of the toilet could cause major disaster.

So does anybody have any ideas on how I can approach this issue without posting this persons name across the office walls, perhaps in their own urine drops? I really dislike wiping their pee up. Or other things... ick.

Writing Workshop

I'm not sure what you have scheduled for Tuesday night but whatever it is, cancel it and make sure that you're at the Vineyard Community Church's Student Union building for a sweet writing workshop led by Brad Wise. Who's Brad? Brad is the Creative Director at VCC; he dreamed up the {re}gifter and directed it; and he's the dude behind a creative writing blog I help administer, 110words.... So Brad knows a thing or two about writing.

Anywoo, whether you've written novels or just funny e-mails, come out and have some fun writing with your peers. Brad will facilitate and it's only from 7-8:30pm so it's not even that long. I went to the last one and it was a blast.

Join us for an experiment in short fiction led by Brad Wise. Your imagination will be stretched through exhilarating, invigorating, stimulating and amusing writing exercises. (How about those big words?)It'll be fun and laid back, perfect for non-writers and closet-novelistsalike. Bring your laptop and/or journal + pen. For ages 16-103.

Perfect Way To Spend A Friday Evening

Okay, so as you may or may not have heard, The Q City Players Comedy Improv Troupe is performing at Riley's Restaurant tomorrow evening.

Here's the skinny:

Riley's is hosting the perfect way to kick off Valentine's Day - a dinner and show.

For only $25 a ticket you recieve a smoking amazing dinner. Your choice of Salmon with Wine Lemon Sauce, Top Sirloin Steak or Chicken Marsala served with White Cheddar Mashed Potatos, Salad, Rolls, Beverage, Dessert. AND you get an 1 1/2hr of The Q City Players. Oh, and tax and gratuity are also included.

If your mouth is watering already, just call Riley's Restaurant 513-771-3361; ask for a manager and then tell them which show you would like to attend - the 6pm or the 7:15pm. Also, tell them what delicous entree you'd like to scarf down.


See you then!

dang it

I woke up this morning with Isaac's sinus infection.

ARGH!!!

banging my head against the wall

I'm feeling a little frustrated and a little overwhelmed today.

updates

I can't remember if I've posted updates about my grandparents before or not.

basically, my grandma johnson had an incident back in April, ended up with blood and air bubbles on the brain, spent 2 weeks in the hospital, about 4 months in a rehab center, and lost the ability to walk and a chunk of her memory. Eventually was able to walk again (with a walker, which she's had for a couple of years) and got to go home. She's had some stints in the hospital since, most recently the week before Christmas when she devolped congestive heart failure and pnymonia. She came home from the hospital on Christmas Eve around 3 or 4pm and fell in the bathroom around 9:30 or 9:45pm. Broke her hip, and eventually had surgery later that week. She spent another week or two in the hospital and then was moved back to the same rehab center she spent so much time in past year. Then the rehab center came down with a nasty virus. A chunk of the patients got it. We thought my grandpa got it after visiting grandpa. he spent quite a bit of time in the hospital. Turns out, his pancreatitis had flaired up again. Eventually he got moved to the same rehab center/room as my grandma.
We were finally able to have our 'Johnson Family Christmas' last Saturday at the rehab center. Grandma was super tired. Apparently, she slept all of the time. Anyway, long story longer... she now has an infection from her hip surgery (only happens in 1% of patients) and possibly a urinary tract infection. She's having surgery to correct the infection tomorrow around 1pm. Meanwhile, while Grandma is recovering in the hospital, Grandpa will still be living in the rehab center. no fun.

Anywhoo, so that's that. Oh, and I puked up a scab in my throat today at work. gag. gag.

My phone crapped out today. So I went to at&t and begged them for a new phone. I got one for free. I like it a lot. It reminds me if a Storm Trooper carried a phone, my phone is what one Storm Trooper would carry. Or if a Storm Trooper was destroyed and turned into a phone, they would be my phone. Oh yeah.

My Man

He's super cute, isn't he?

Who Let the Tonsils Out? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?

So I went to the doctor today as a follow-up from my tonsillectomy. It was kinda painful when he looked in my mouth. Apparently, I'm not supposed to talk on the phone continuelessly (like, you know, what I do for a living) for the rest of the week. He wrote me a note. I'm sure work will be thrilled. Not.

The doctor did mention that everything looked good so far and the best way for me heal is to keep swallowing and eating. Honestly, I haven't been that hungry and it takes me forever to eat when I do. But tonight Isaac fixed me mac shells and cheese and I ate it! I chewed the heck out of it, but I managed. Yeah!

Oh, and he said they weighed my tonsils after the surgury. Apparently, that's procedure? Anyway, anything 10 grams and over is a pretty dang heavy set of tonsils. My were 12 point something. Live large my friends. Live large.

I left work today at 11am because apparently today was a volunteer day. I didn't know that until I got to work. hmmm. Anyway, I started falling asleep and the pain flushed thru a bit, so I figured that it was time to leave. Eventually, I went home after work and the doctors and fell asleep for 2 hours. It'll be pretty interesting to see how the rest of the week goes. I'm trying to take it easy. Honestly, I just didn't think it would so difficult! Boy was I wrong.

On a happier note, Isaac seems to be feeling better! Yeah! Hopefully, the nasty sinus infection has run it's course. And it won't come running to me. haha.

Alright, I'm going to get off of here and finish August Rush. Isaac's been watching it for a while and I've been watching while typing.

Must Love Dogs

So Chris posted a blog about cute babies...

My dad sent me this one about dogs. And since I tend to like dogs more than babies on most days... quit your whining... I thought I would post this.

Side Note: It sounds like Larry the Cable Guy is narrating, but I'm pretty sure he's not.

whiny me

so I had my tonsils out yesterday morning. I had convinced myself that I wouldn't be in so much pain. i was wrong.

I couldn't even walk myself to the bathroom or sit down or stand up by myself yesterday. My hand hurt like no other from where they pu the iv in. I still can't talk. My tongue is so swollen it covers my entire mouth. Everything in the back of my mouth is covered in gray nastiness. My uveala is as large as what my tonsils used to be. Swallowing is so freakin hard. like, I grab a pillow or the couch when I swallow. omg.

Oh, and Isaac has been sick for a while. He went to Walgreens to see the Nurse Practioner (he heard about that from Donna Hern and Joe Boyd - thanks) and he has a viral sinus infection.

Btw - he's been a FANTASTIC supporter. He and Dad fed my ice chips and held my hand when I couldn't do anything yesterday. Isaac's gotten me everything I need and never complained once. He's a wonderful husband. He's listened every time I try and force a word out. Which is really hard, considering I can only do like one word and hour and it's gargly.

Aside from my husband being so great, he also also makes really great ice chips in our new blender. And he feeds me medicine. And I've gotten to watch Star Wars and tons of Law and Order SVU. That's all I can do. Lay on the couch and watch tv and eat ice chips and watch the food channel. The good thing is that I'm not nauseated, so everything makes me hungry. Cheeseburgers, pizza, spaghetti. I've eaten a Popsicle this morning and some strawberry freeze that my mom made. And lots of ice chips. I love ice chips now. Maybe this will be the start of a great diet? ha. Even 2 lbs loss would be great. It's just my tongue is freakin swollen. I can't eat anything hot or swallow much. But this should still be worth it if I quit getting infections : )

I'm pooped myself out. I'm going to eat more ice chips watch some more SVU.

Bet You'll Never Guess What I Know

I have 5 followers now. I feel as if people are hanging on my every word...

I read a couple of nights ago that Jody Davis is returning to The Newsboys. From some reason that news made me really happy.

Also, I must have been the last one on the planet to realize that Ray Boltz, famed Christian artist from the 90's, came out publicly as a homosexual. An ex-wife, 4 or 5 kids... Baptists everywhere are condemning him to hell. Next time you hear "I Plege Alligance to the Lamb" or "Thank You", think of this story.

Oh, and in slightly more interesting story... I also learned several nights ago that I interviewed Katy Perry. That's right, "I Kissed A Girl" and "Hot n Cold" Katy Perry. Way back in like 2000 or 2001, Victory Videos (parent company to The Zone- the tv show I hosted on) went to GMA (Gospel Music Association) in Nashville. They were planning on trying a new show and I was going to be a host (none of my interviews were ever used. The show never aired)... we shot a bunch of interviews and I always remembered this girl named Katy Hudson. She was only like 15 at the time and she had a tiny red nose ring that looked like a zit. Katy was trying to push a new christian cd. She was cute and fiesty but I couldn't figure out why she was there. She hadn't released any cds or videos yet, and we were a music video show. And she really dug Plus One. Anyway, I used to check up on her online every once in a while just to see if she ever did anything...She sang on some POD song a while back and dated Matt Thiessen for while... Anyway, she changed her name and obviously her thoughts on some things... I just thought it was interesting. hmmm.

Upgrade

hmm, things that have taken place in my life lately...

* my Grandma Johnson fell on Christmas Eve and broke her hip. Ended up having surgery and is now in the same rehab center she spent most of the summer in. The whole ordeal was much more dramatic than what I just wrote, but I'm kinda too lazy to write about it all.

* The {re}gifter came and went. It wasn't like what I did was super important or anything, but I was really, really proud to be a part of such of an amazing experience. One of the highlights of my year.

* Isaac and I got a Wii for Christmas from my in-laws. Holy cow.

* Bought a tv off of some friends. Killer deal. Took Isaac and John almost 45 minutes to carry it in the apartment. I think it must weigh close to 400lbs. They're strong guys. btw - I freaking love the tv.

* Joined a small group. I'm excited to see where this will lead.

* Broke my phone. Super glued my phone back together. Oh glory. Then I broke my phone again. Superglued my phone 3x. Accidently superglued my phone shut. Pulled it apart with a knife. Ordered a $209.00 refurb phone for FREE. GLORY.

* Spent Tuesday evening with the Boyds and Dochertys at the Dochertys. I love both of these families. I did something weird to a muscle in my chest that caused great pain if I moved a certain way or laughed. Everyone was very funny that evening. I hurt really bad by the end of the night. I also got a birthday cake with a giant candle stuck in the middle. Good times.

* Ate Chipotle with Isaac on Wednesday for my birthday. While looking for movies for some project at church, we accidently walked into an adult video store. Won't do that again. Then we rang in the new year with the Murphys and Boyds and someone named Buddha. Annie made an amazing pumkin cake. Lucky, lucky me.

* Read a hysterical story on a one legged lady who stabbed her boyfriend in the leg and then, and I quote, "Ran away on foot."

* Spent New Years sleeping in, watching movies, and eating at Outback Steakhouse.

* My boss let me off early on Friday and I spent 2 1/2 hrs at Chik fil a with Jess. I love that woman. Deep conversations over Christian Chicken. Can it get any better than this?

* Hung out with my brother this weekend and went to church tonight. Joe was really funny and I laughed alot. Especially when he said in all seriousness, "Then I nailed the screw in". omg. I laughed forever. Debbie was cracking up. Then it got all serious. Stupid conviction. Stupid churches that don't take the easy route. I hate feeling uncomfortable.

* Oh, and I'm having surgery on the 12th to have my tonsils removed. They're large and can become uncomfortable at times and my doctor thinks they're full of infection and that's why I get sick a lot. So let's get those puppies out! I'll be off of work for a week. And I can't lift anything for like 2 weeks. Grunting is bad. Apparently, I do not want to grunt for 2 weeks. In the past few days I started thinking of all of the things I won't be able to do for 2 weeks because of grunting. And then I thought, what if I can't poop? What if I become constinpated and I really, really need that last push. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?!?! I can't not poop for 2 weeks.