tiny, little rant

Okay, so for the past 9 or so months, I have noticed that at least once or twice a week I have to wipe pee off of a particular stall in the ladies bathroom at work. This really irks me. We are all grown women and there's only 2 stalls to begin with. And the other stall's toilet never stops running and sits way low to the floor. So like 4 out of the 5 women who work in this office do our business in the good stall. The one with the shelf inside and the taller toilet...

After 9 months of fuming after cleaning urine off of the toilet I've come to some conclusions.

1) This person is a squatter. What is a squatter you might ask? She can also go by hoverer. This individual does not want to sit on the seat itself for fear of germs so they will mold into a squatting position, hovering over a specific toilet or bush or whatever and pee. Safety first.

2) This person is a shaker. This is typically only used in emergencies when one realizes after they have gone #1 that there is no toilet paper or used tissues jammed in ones pocket that are available. One either stands up from the seat or they are already in the squatting position (see above). For fear of wetness or nappy underwear feeling, the individual will simply "shake" the excess urine off of their nether regions by doing a slight dance per say, something similar to a tiny hula hoop action. There is no need for large gyrations, for fear of sloshy urine ending up across the stall or worse yet, one's favorite pair of jeans or recently pedicured toes.

3) This person after shaking any excess bodily fluids off then shuts their eyes with some ferocity and whips around to flush the toilet, never viewing the toilet below.

4) This person also will then scurry out of the bathroom completely avoiding the sink (remember, they shake - no dirty hands) altogether. Unless, of course someone is walking in around the time of the blind flush, then the person must run the hands under the water if necessary. There is a 5 second limit for the hands being wet.

5) This person needs to drink a lot more water. Their urine is an unhealthy shade of sunshine yellow.

I have fantastic deductive reasoning skills. I mean fantastic. I figured out who this individual was within a few mere weeks of the urine samples being left. And don't even get me started on the poop I had to wipe off of the good toilet seat a couple of months back. OMG. Anyway, I know who she is and I know she doesn't wash her hands. I can only guess about blind flush, though. But the reason for the hovering must be because of the fear of germs. Which, the thing is, if everybody wiped their freaking pee off the toilet seat or just sat down and always their hands, there would be less germs. There would be no need for hovering, except for gas station and fast food restaurants stalls....

So after months and months of cleaning off peed on toilet seats, I finally asked my boss to buy some Lysol wipes to keep in the bathroom stall. I then typed a note and taped it to the inside portion of the stall asking frequent urinaters to turn around and look to see if they had peed on the seat. If they had, they needed to use the conveniently placed Lysol wipes and WIPE IT UP. It was almost a week and no pee. I was so happy. Then last Thursday, in the middle of my 2 day pms-fest, I found it. The urine. So I used the Lysol wipes on the toilet. And then I found it again today. Anger burns inside me. The pee is not invisible. I can see it. It's the color of the Yellow Power Ranger. And the bathroom in this building is always set at a negative degree. So heaven forbid someone actually would sit down in the aforementioned pee, it is not entirely impossible that they would become stuck to the toilet. The warmth of their bottom mixing with the frozen tundra of the toilet could cause major disaster.

So does anybody have any ideas on how I can approach this issue without posting this persons name across the office walls, perhaps in their own urine drops? I really dislike wiping their pee up. Or other things... ick.