While driving tonight, I was creating a mental checklist of things that would make my marriage "perfect". Mmm, maybe that's not the correct term. Regardless, if I was living in a "perfect world" and I had a "perfect husband" and a "perfect marriage", what would that look like?.... a few things came to mind, but one that stood out, was that Isaac would be proud of me. And then the idea came rushing thru..... Do I give him anything to be proud of? Am I the type of wife/person/human that he can be satisfied with? I very desperately want him to be pleased with my so-called "accomplishments". But more than that, I just want him to be proud of me. Of who I actually am, inside and out.
Another thought... one that I've been chewing on for about a week now.... I think I'm in small group right now soley for the community aspect. I need people around me who I believe actually care for me. When I'm at my ugliest, they're there. There's really only a sacred few with whom I share the most ugly portions with, but for the most part, I know that I'm surrounded by 10-11 people who give a rip. I'm not really in small group so I can "grow in Christ". That may change in the future, but at this point in the game, I'm just there for the people. Maybe that's selfish. Maybe that's part of the evolution of the group. Maybe that makes me the weak member. But I'm not convinced that attending the small group simply for the aspect of community is wrong. At least not tonight.
1 comment:
I don't usually read blogs, and have never seen yours. Matter of fact I stumbled here through Brad's (which I only went to because of a comment on facebook).
After all of that meaningless qualification, I do feel compelled to make one comment about your first thought.
If it occurs to you to have those considerations... and actually care what the answers are... then I'd say you are way ahead of most wives. That thoughtfulness and concern alone would make any husband proud.
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