ramblings

it's 2am. I should be in bed. but I am not. I'm on the computer using poor punctuation and spelling and grammatical errors out the ying yang. in other words, nothing too out of the ordinary.

I think I'll go jogging with cassius in the morning.

I'm no longer considered obese. Now I'm just good 'ol fashioned fat. I have 31 more lbs to lose before I would be considered healthy. It seems far away. 

My friend gave me a real hug. and he didn't say anything about my chest. I nearly fainted.

I wonder a lot if it's normal or healthy or sane or just stupid to care about and love the people in my life the way that I do.

I still can't figure out how to write about my grandfather's passing. But I miss him so much. he was the only grandfather that I remember or knew cared about me.

I never realized how selfish I was until I got married. holy cow.

something interesting happened on Sunday. I had perfectly laid out plans to be lazy all day, but I couldn't sleep, went for a jog and then decided that I was too sweaty and awake at this point to go back to bed, so I went to church. it was the first week of the open series. or maybe the 2nd. I don't know. I don't really go anymore. Anyway, wanted to leap out of my skin, it was so nerve wracking. considered leaving,but got blocked in. then about 10 mins into Dave's talk, I noticed a mother and her son get up and leave. The son has some form of special need and his behavior embarrassed the mom. She appeared angry, but I know she was embarrassed, because that's the way I react when I get embarrassed. I instantly felt for her and chased them down the hallway : ) Long story short, I connected them with The Circle (service at vcc for folks with all forms of special needs) and was delighted that they took my invite to let me introduce them to the leaders. (the circle only meets at the 10:30am service on Sundays and I just happened to show up to the 10:30am VCC service) I could overhear the mother stating all of the reasons why her son would be a distraction or wouldn't fit in. They rolled off her tongue like it was something she's had to explain for the past 2 decades. several times she looked at me and mouthed "thank you" with tears in her eyes. I missed the service, but I went to church. I cannot explain the delight that rippled thru my veins. If you read my last post, you would see why this was is such a strange, yet warm feeling. I caught a glimpse of what redemptive stories are about. Definitely for the mom. Maybe for myself. maybe. My best laid plans were laid to waste Sunday morning, but something else much greater came over. I cannot fully explain this. But it's exciting. But if I talk about it too much, I'll probably get all funky and moody, cause I'm awesome like that.

okay, I had more to say, but it's almost 2:30am and I need to brush my teeth and go to bed. Night, y'all.

Man, my punctuation and grammar really do suck. You'd never believe I was a Communications major, would you? I KNOW how to communicate properly, electronic blogs and mail has just given me a reason to be super, super lazy.