so I made zuchini bread tonight...

In light of the recent Jerry Sandusky trial, it's caused me to reflect a few things.

1) By the grace of God, I was never sexually abused myself, but I have known many, many people who have been and a handful of others that I strongly suspect were. (as well as others who have done the abusing)

2) Abusers can be relatives, family friends or trusted aquaintainces. While stranger danger is a real threat, it seems a lot of times that it's the ones who are the closest, who learn to gain your trust (or have already have it, just by being born into the family) that seemingly hold the power.

3) It's not your fault. You didn't ask for it. You didn't deserve it. You're not dirty. Don't pretend you're over it or it didn't really affect you. Seek professional help and allow them to walk you through the raw emotions.

4) Your accuser doesn't have to be an evil person.  They may have done an evil thing, but that doesn't neccesarily make them evil. (But they probably do still feel evil to you) They can be someone who is considered to be a good person and who is looked up to by the community and family. It doesn't mean that what happened to you is okay.

5) I've known people who try and "wash off" the abuse by taking multiple showers, always insisting that they're clean and presentable looking. I think some run from religion, while others fully embrace it. Perhaps the latter resides more with the philosophy that if they're "good' enough or learn to love others or something that they can possibly get rid of the feeling that they're done something wrong or maybe just the constant shame. I dunno know - it's just a theory drummed up by somebody who has no medical or physologicalial knowledge.

6) I don't know. Maybe this means nothing. Perhaps this brought up terrible memories. If it did, I am sorry. This wasn't meant to cause you pain. Um, it's not neccesarily dinner conversation... but I think it's a life altering event that if not dealt with can have really serious consquences on relationships, marriages and just general trust issues. I'm afraid this is coming off as sloppy. I just... I just don't want the people who I care about to feel so alone or dirty or like no one could ever love them if they knew. Seek professional help. It's not your fault. Perhaps you could help end the cycle.