While driving tonight, I was creating a mental checklist of things that would make my marriage "perfect". Mmm, maybe that's not the correct term. Regardless, if I was living in a "perfect world" and I had a "perfect husband" and a "perfect marriage", what would that look like?.... a few things came to mind, but one that stood out, was that Isaac would be proud of me. And then the idea came rushing thru..... Do I give him anything to be proud of? Am I the type of wife/person/human that he can be satisfied with? I very desperately want him to be pleased with my so-called "accomplishments". But more than that, I just want him to be proud of me. Of who I actually am, inside and out.
Another thought... one that I've been chewing on for about a week now.... I think I'm in small group right now soley for the community aspect. I need people around me who I believe actually care for me. When I'm at my ugliest, they're there. There's really only a sacred few with whom I share the most ugly portions with, but for the most part, I know that I'm surrounded by 10-11 people who give a rip. I'm not really in small group so I can "grow in Christ". That may change in the future, but at this point in the game, I'm just there for the people. Maybe that's selfish. Maybe that's part of the evolution of the group. Maybe that makes me the weak member. But I'm not convinced that attending the small group simply for the aspect of community is wrong. At least not tonight.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
20 randomly weird, silly things about me
Here's some random facts that I've discovered about myself in the past few years.... feel free not to read, they're silly.
1) As much as I want to be "independent" and my own person with my own likes/dislikes, I've realized that I enjoy many of the same foods as my dad. We even order the same meal sometimes. And I heart Diet Coke and m&m's with the same ferociousness as my mother. We stand alike. We both leave 30 minute long voicemails... We when stress out, sometimes our bodies react the same way.
2) I constantly scan FM radio stations. I do not drive without the radio on. (although in the past 1-2yrs I have tried to every few weeks, turn off the radio and talk to Jesus) If a Foreigner, Maroon 5 or James Taylor song comes on, I will stop and listen. I will always listen to "Eye of the Tiger". Honest to goodness.
3) There's some artists that I like, but I can't listen to without commentary. For example,
John Mayer - Man, he seems like a douchebag
Jason Mraz - His first cd was sooo much better than the second one. I really like the first one... He wears funny hats. You know who else's first cd was better than the second one? Jars of Clay. yeah.
4) I think people who solely listen to AM radio are closed minded and silly. Go ahead and judge me, I just judged you.
5) I never make my bed unless I know someone is coming over. There is no point in making my bed when I'm the only one who sees it every day. Why would I spend 5 minutes making it and 3 minutes tearing it apart every night? That's 8 minutes that I can't get back every day. And since I'm always running late, those minutes are precious. (I also heard that people who don't make their bed get less dust mites. I'll be honest, that's not the reason I don't make my bed, but it makes me feel better about it)
6) I make the ugliest chocolate chip cookies ever. They're as flat as a 4th grade girl.
7) Dark chocolate speaks to me. It's just SO MUCH BETTER.
8) I hate spiders the way that Carrie Prejean hates filling out padgent applications truthfully.
9) I won't make brownies anymore without chocolate chips in them.
10)
I have a crush on almost any long-sleeved plaid shirt. I think I always have. If it's a Blue or Purple plaid shirt, my heart skips a beat. Every 3-4 years I find a good plaid shirt. I recently found one at Wally World for $12. When I wear it, I feel cute and giggly. It has flowers on the inside of the collar and fits well. The only thing it's missing is snap buttons.
Side Confession: There's a whole row of long sleeved men's plaid shirts in Target. I walk by that section every time I'm in the store and just drool. And some of them have the snap buttons. Extra drool.
11) Talking theology with Isaac in the dark is kinda sexy.
12) I have always kinda hated games. However, there's a Bingo hall when you turn into my neighborhood and I'm looking for someone to go with me.
13) Football season means lazy Sunday afternoons with Isaac. It also means a big pot of chili and grilled cheeses made in the George Forman. And hoodies and pajama bottoms and blankets.
14) I have 2 birthmarks on my neck. And then to add insult to injury, I developed 3 freckles right in a row. I also have man hands and ex-large nostrils. I hate all of these things.
15) If I had the money, I'd change my hair every 2 months. I have no patience with it.
16) I'm rarely satisfied.
17) Cookouts are probably one of my favorite ways to spend time with friends. Even our wedding reception was a catered cookout and pies and cornhole. Down home fun.
18) If I'm in a large body of water, I will pee in it. I've actually begun doing this so much, I have to concentrate on not peeing in pools. I just grossed you out, didn't I?
19) Blues Brothers and the old Star Wars (and maybe the Lord of the Rings Trilogy) are the perfect movies any time of the day. The Breakfast Club is the perfect Saturday morning movie to wake up to.
20) Music speaks to me in ways that books just never will. There were many artists, (but mainly The Newsboys) whose music genuinely changed (or at least challenged) my thinking about God and life during my teen and college years. I would assume artists of any genre would desire their work to cause consumers to think about such things.
Life changing information, right? : ) So what are some of your silly things about yourself? And who's going to drive to Springfield Township and play Bingo with me????
1) As much as I want to be "independent" and my own person with my own likes/dislikes, I've realized that I enjoy many of the same foods as my dad. We even order the same meal sometimes. And I heart Diet Coke and m&m's with the same ferociousness as my mother. We stand alike. We both leave 30 minute long voicemails... We when stress out, sometimes our bodies react the same way.
2) I constantly scan FM radio stations. I do not drive without the radio on. (although in the past 1-2yrs I have tried to every few weeks, turn off the radio and talk to Jesus) If a Foreigner, Maroon 5 or James Taylor song comes on, I will stop and listen. I will always listen to "Eye of the Tiger". Honest to goodness.
3) There's some artists that I like, but I can't listen to without commentary. For example,
John Mayer - Man, he seems like a douchebag
Jason Mraz - His first cd was sooo much better than the second one. I really like the first one... He wears funny hats. You know who else's first cd was better than the second one? Jars of Clay. yeah.
4) I think people who solely listen to AM radio are closed minded and silly. Go ahead and judge me, I just judged you.
5) I never make my bed unless I know someone is coming over. There is no point in making my bed when I'm the only one who sees it every day. Why would I spend 5 minutes making it and 3 minutes tearing it apart every night? That's 8 minutes that I can't get back every day. And since I'm always running late, those minutes are precious. (I also heard that people who don't make their bed get less dust mites. I'll be honest, that's not the reason I don't make my bed, but it makes me feel better about it)
6) I make the ugliest chocolate chip cookies ever. They're as flat as a 4th grade girl.
7) Dark chocolate speaks to me. It's just SO MUCH BETTER.
8) I hate spiders the way that Carrie Prejean hates filling out padgent applications truthfully.
9) I won't make brownies anymore without chocolate chips in them.
10)
Side Confession: There's a whole row of long sleeved men's plaid shirts in Target. I walk by that section every time I'm in the store and just drool. And some of them have the snap buttons. Extra drool.
11) Talking theology with Isaac in the dark is kinda sexy.
12) I have always kinda hated games. However, there's a Bingo hall when you turn into my neighborhood and I'm looking for someone to go with me.
13) Football season means lazy Sunday afternoons with Isaac. It also means a big pot of chili and grilled cheeses made in the George Forman. And hoodies and pajama bottoms and blankets.
14) I have 2 birthmarks on my neck. And then to add insult to injury, I developed 3 freckles right in a row. I also have man hands and ex-large nostrils. I hate all of these things.
15) If I had the money, I'd change my hair every 2 months. I have no patience with it.
16) I'm rarely satisfied.
17) Cookouts are probably one of my favorite ways to spend time with friends. Even our wedding reception was a catered cookout and pies and cornhole. Down home fun.
18) If I'm in a large body of water, I will pee in it. I've actually begun doing this so much, I have to concentrate on not peeing in pools. I just grossed you out, didn't I?
19) Blues Brothers and the old Star Wars (and maybe the Lord of the Rings Trilogy) are the perfect movies any time of the day. The Breakfast Club is the perfect Saturday morning movie to wake up to.
20) Music speaks to me in ways that books just never will. There were many artists, (but mainly The Newsboys) whose music genuinely changed (or at least challenged) my thinking about God and life during my teen and college years. I would assume artists of any genre would desire their work to cause consumers to think about such things.
Life changing information, right? : ) So what are some of your silly things about yourself? And who's going to drive to Springfield Township and play Bingo with me????
Friday, September 3, 2010
saying good-bye
14 years ago, my mom and brother brought home the cutest puppy from the pound. The story is that a police officer found her in a dumpster. Who really knows if that story was a sham or not, but it worked, regardless. My brother named our new dog, Lucy. Dad renamed her Lucy Lee Skank Wilder. (somebody please tell me you remember the Gold Star commericals with "skank" as the star???)
Lucy hasn't been doing so hot these past few years. She's blind as a bat, old, angry and has selective hearing. She's an old man wrapped up into a 30lb frame with fur. The vet recently discovered she has a giant tumor which has been causing her pain and the loss of mobility. Lots of other terribly crappy things too, but the point is, at 3:30pm this afternoon, my parents are taking her to be put to sleep. The vet says it's the best thing. Dang it, I'm crying. Death sucks, even if it's just a dog.
Lucy hasn't been doing so hot these past few years. She's blind as a bat, old, angry and has selective hearing. She's an old man wrapped up into a 30lb frame with fur. The vet recently discovered she has a giant tumor which has been causing her pain and the loss of mobility. Lots of other terribly crappy things too, but the point is, at 3:30pm this afternoon, my parents are taking her to be put to sleep. The vet says it's the best thing. Dang it, I'm crying. Death sucks, even if it's just a dog.
Lucy and Dad were besties. Mainly because she thought his jokes were HILARIOUS. 
Lucy was a big fan of the holidays.
She could touch her tongue to her nose. So, so talented.
In her prime.
In the past 5 years, that dog's breath could make the hairon Isaac's back stand up. But she still had all of her real teeth.
her facebook profile pic.
We're smiling, but Lucy is obviously eyeing our leftovers. She loved Super Bowl Sundays.
Lucy and the bug both dying. I thought it was poetic.
Lucy and the bug both dying. I thought it was poetic. And lame. But this is my blog so I'll post what I want to.
Lucy always hated Cassius.
Grandma Wilder came over to say goodbye.
Lucy always hated Cassius.
Grandma Wilder came over to say goodbye. My brother John is holding Lucy.
I told them to smile. Grandma said there was nothing to smile about,
I'll miss you, Lucy.
I told them to smile. Grandma said there was nothing to smile about, then immediately began laughing at her own non-joke.
She does that a lot. And I love her for it.
My final pic with Lucy. Nevermind my neck rolls. ew.
I'll miss you, Lucy.Thursday, September 2, 2010
just wonderin'
Cash typically meets me in the front yard when I get home at night. Our routine goes a little like this:
* I park my car in the street and say hello to the dog by name.
* Cash then proceeds to crouch down and/or hide in the bushes.
* Obviously, I see him do all of this. But I play along and call out his name like I can't see him btwn what have to be, the ugliest bushes known to man.
* He then leaps out and greets me with a kiss/slobber fest, a few scratches (dog has claws like a raptor) and about 12 laps around the yard with a toy or stick in his mouth.
This is our routine and I love it. I never question Cash's love for me. Even when he hurts me, I know he did it on accident. He forgives and forgets very quickly.
And that's proof why Dogs are Jesus is disguise and Cats are selfish beasts from Satan. The End.
Just kidding. Sit down, Julee. Although, Dog spelled backwards is God... Just saying....
Anyway, back to my story... tonight I realized something. Cash is content in his own yard. His tiny, little fenced in yard. He doesn't seem to notice the most random, hideous tree. The tree that I would love to cut down one day... He doesn't seem to care that his front yard is decorated with 1/2 dead bushes. Bushes that were, I'm certain, disgustingly disfigured even before we moved in. Or the giant dirt pile that looks like we buried a body there. Cash is happy within his own fence. Maybe it's because he's never really lived anywhere else before. Maybe it's because he's grateful for what he's got. Maybe he just doesn't know any better.
I haven't fully digested this yet.... It just struck me as interesting.
* I park my car in the street and say hello to the dog by name.
* Cash then proceeds to crouch down and/or hide in the bushes.
* Obviously, I see him do all of this. But I play along and call out his name like I can't see him btwn what have to be, the ugliest bushes known to man.
* He then leaps out and greets me with a kiss/slobber fest, a few scratches (dog has claws like a raptor) and about 12 laps around the yard with a toy or stick in his mouth.
This is our routine and I love it. I never question Cash's love for me. Even when he hurts me, I know he did it on accident. He forgives and forgets very quickly.
And that's proof why Dogs are Jesus is disguise and Cats are selfish beasts from Satan. The End.
Just kidding. Sit down, Julee. Although, Dog spelled backwards is God... Just saying....
Anyway, back to my story... tonight I realized something. Cash is content in his own yard. His tiny, little fenced in yard. He doesn't seem to notice the most random, hideous tree. The tree that I would love to cut down one day... He doesn't seem to care that his front yard is decorated with 1/2 dead bushes. Bushes that were, I'm certain, disgustingly disfigured even before we moved in. Or the giant dirt pile that looks like we buried a body there. Cash is happy within his own fence. Maybe it's because he's never really lived anywhere else before. Maybe it's because he's grateful for what he's got. Maybe he just doesn't know any better.
I haven't fully digested this yet.... It just struck me as interesting.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
aftermath
had a cookout the other day for some friends and people I hadn't met yet (neighbors). Isaac and I worked tirelessly for several days to achieve the look of a clean house. But Sunday at 4pm, it actually was clean. It was soooooo beautiful. spotless, almost. all of the food had been prepared and carried outside in fun dishes.
and then people left. and in an instant, my kitchen morphed back. and there was deep sorrow.
and then people left. and in an instant, my kitchen morphed back. and there was deep sorrow.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
how to love me
I haven't really bragged on him in a long while. But Isaac deserves some credit. He has been just perfect this week. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it.
Sunday - didn't do squat. Haven't had a day like that in um, well let's see.... forever. On my way home from church, Isaac called to say that he had picked up Chipotle for me. Side Note-Most of my emotions revolve around food. It is my number one love language, I'm fairly confident.... Anywoo, it was thoughtful and sweet. We just sat around munching on delicious burritos, played with Cassius, watched movies, walked around Wal-Mart and then went to Waffle House. All the silly, plain jane things we did while we were dating. But it was nice and relaxing and we had real conversations about life and each other. It was just perfect. Dumb crap like that woos me.
Tuesday - BAD day at work. B-A-D. anger. stress. argh. argh. ARGH. Isaac's almost always in bed when I get home now, because we're on opposite shifts, but he heard about what a bad day I was having and told me he'd stay up. Because of paperwork, I ended up leaving late and didn't get home until almost midnight, but there he was, sitting on the couch waiting for me. The man stayed up until 1am listening to me moan and complain and playing with my hair. He didn't try and fix the situation, complain about what I did wrong... that made my week.
Wednesday - Every once in a while I get more needy than I already am and I typically will blow up his phone. Not seeing each other for days at a time makes it a little more necessary, but whatever... Anyway, he picked his phone a lot and answered all of my questions and didn't relay to me how annoyed he was that I kept calling.
Thursday - Isaac waited until super late in the morning to call me so he didn't wake me up... and then asked me if I wanted to meet for lunch. Remember food being my number one love language?
I doubt any of you have made it this far, but I didn't really write it for you anyway.
This week no one complained about the dishes or the clothes or the dog. It's been pretty simple and my days may seem silly and dumb, but to me they were priceless.
ps- and he stood up for me via facebook on something. I hadn't even brought it up to him. It's kinda cool when your friends stand up for you, but it's flippin awesome when your husband does.
Sunday - didn't do squat. Haven't had a day like that in um, well let's see.... forever. On my way home from church, Isaac called to say that he had picked up Chipotle for me. Side Note-Most of my emotions revolve around food. It is my number one love language, I'm fairly confident.... Anywoo, it was thoughtful and sweet. We just sat around munching on delicious burritos, played with Cassius, watched movies, walked around Wal-Mart and then went to Waffle House. All the silly, plain jane things we did while we were dating. But it was nice and relaxing and we had real conversations about life and each other. It was just perfect. Dumb crap like that woos me.
Tuesday - BAD day at work. B-A-D. anger. stress. argh. argh. ARGH. Isaac's almost always in bed when I get home now, because we're on opposite shifts, but he heard about what a bad day I was having and told me he'd stay up. Because of paperwork, I ended up leaving late and didn't get home until almost midnight, but there he was, sitting on the couch waiting for me. The man stayed up until 1am listening to me moan and complain and playing with my hair. He didn't try and fix the situation, complain about what I did wrong... that made my week.
Wednesday - Every once in a while I get more needy than I already am and I typically will blow up his phone. Not seeing each other for days at a time makes it a little more necessary, but whatever... Anyway, he picked his phone a lot and answered all of my questions and didn't relay to me how annoyed he was that I kept calling.
Thursday - Isaac waited until super late in the morning to call me so he didn't wake me up... and then asked me if I wanted to meet for lunch. Remember food being my number one love language?
I doubt any of you have made it this far, but I didn't really write it for you anyway.
This week no one complained about the dishes or the clothes or the dog. It's been pretty simple and my days may seem silly and dumb, but to me they were priceless.
ps- and he stood up for me via facebook on something. I hadn't even brought it up to him. It's kinda cool when your friends stand up for you, but it's flippin awesome when your husband does.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Things Cassius Loves
his rabbit
his favorite pot
licking my leg (let's be honest - who doesn't?)
our welcome mat
his duck
licking my leg (let's be honest - who doesn't?)
our welcome mat
his duck
eating our shed door. he literally ATE it apart.
urinating in the same spot every day so that our grass dies in the front yard 
tilling the ground in the backyard so that our grass dies. 
chewing off 3/4 of the air conditioning drain pipe so
he doesn't have to bend over to get a drink (see far left)
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