Who Should Die From A Bug Bite?

This is my friend and one time mission-trip bunkmate, Angie Boehmer. She's all forms of awesome sauce. 

Angie happens to be moving to Nigeria this summer. She's a nurse, a Jesus lover and all around great gal. She'll live there for over a year, using her medical skills to help the good folks stay healthy and not die from diseases caused by mosquito bites, diarrhea, malnutrition and dirty water.  

I don't love asking for money (nor has she asked me to write this), but helping Angie get/live over there is super high on my importance list. Isaac and I donated a bit today. It's super easy, just follow this link. Angie's SIM # is 035768.

If you'd like more information on Angie's ministry partners, check out SIM, SSE (Self Sustaining Enterprises) and Vineyard Cincinnati.

You can also follow Angie's blog at www.hopeoverflows.wordpress.com

And please, feel free to share this with all of your friends : )

Is Christian Accountability a Farse?

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/145836-why-i-don-t-believe-in-christian-accountability-giveaway.html#.TxbqVcXMdkw.facebook 


I thought it was a pretty interesting read. What are your thoughts?

20 Things I've Learned Over The Past Year

1) My suspicions about having an anxiety disorder were true. When I joked that I was ocd, I unknowingly was correct. And depression is nothing to be messed with.
2) Telling somebody to "just get over it", "be happy", "I think you're pretty" (when it's not your spouse) or any form of Christianise saying, no matter how genuine it is, is not helpful to hear when you're at the bottom of the barrel.
3) When I go to the doctor now, they say things like, "You're a healthy, young adult" instead of telling me my cholesterol is high or how I should really try and lose some weight. (I'm not dissing them. It's their job. Except for my old gyno - he was just a jerkwad) It's just really interesting to hear.
4) Running a 5k is always better with family.
5) Because I finished the 5k without passing out, it motivated me to take greater risks.
6) It's incredibly humbling to take meds/therapy/excerise to even out the serotonin levels in my brain.
7) It's even more humbling to realize that after beginning the meds, it began to control the amount of anxiety attacks and all of the really weird quirks that I never realized were a) not normal and b) associated with ocd.
8) And if things couldn't get any more humbling... when I still have those hiccups. When I see glimpses of the woman I loathe emerging again. When I have an anxiety attack for "no reason", when I say something mean or stupid or thoughtless, when I can't stop obsessing for days over a dumb comment or look I think may have been projected at me... It's humbling and it makes me feel worthless and that I've let me friends down, as they can tell/feel 'I haven't really changed'.
9) That being said... Hiccups happen. Life happens. Don't panic too much.
10) I have rediscovered a deep and meaningful love for my husband, even more so than before.
11) That I am wildly blessed to being getting paid to do what I love. And even more blessed knowing Isaac gets paid to do what he loves as well. To have two people be able to share in that at the same time... there's probably a higher likelihood of winning the lottery.
12) Bridesmaids was so so funny. That an ensemble of woman could make a fantastic movie and be hilarious without being ditzy or leaning on their male counterparts. So proud.
13) I decided I wanted to go back to Jos and hang with some friends.
14) After a lot of soul-searching, I've sorta redefined my theology and faith and how Jesus intercedes in my life. None of it's bad. It was painful getting here... but I am so thankful for the journey. And I'm not stupid enough to think that it's over.
15) Friends who allow you the time to just "breathe" and rediscover your faith and yourself without shoving a bunch of crap down your throat... those are life-long friends. Those friends count.
16) Being a "leader" or being "involved" in whatever ministry is just something that I used to do, it's not who I am.
17) I've decided it's okay be a leader in your field and be a Christian, but that is completely different than being a leader at your church. And I am 100% down with that.
18) I think Jesus probably likes that I'm somewhat recklessly pursuing Him.
19) Sometimes I hurt people, even though I don't mean to.
20) It's okay to fail. Still hurts though : )

manipulative beliefs

Several months ago, a group of friends and I were having a discussion about various things, when someone asked a question (I'm paraphrasing here) about how to be in leadership and convey personal ideas or beliefs that their company may not be totally down with. I'm afraid none of us were much help. (My brilliant answer was to wait a long time and then revisit the idea. Granted, I was pretty in the dark about what they were talking about at the time, but still. Dumb answer.) Other responses alluded something to the effect of essentially tricking the receipts into believing the ideas. Think, boiling a frog... Knowing the hearts of my friends, I know that they weren't intending to sound manipulative, but it took me aback. I realized A) I never wanted to work under someone who operated under that mindset B) If I'm choosing to be honest, I'm sure I've probably been a bit of a con in the past - with good intentions - but still... C) I don't want to operate like that in the future. I never want to feel like I'm con-ing or manipulating anyone into believing something. Beliefs can't be forced. Just like you can't make somebody love you. They have to come to that decision on their own. I'm reading several books right now that helped me reinterate this truth - unChristian by David Kinnaman (president of the Barna research group) & Gabe Lyons and Signs of Emergence by Kester Brewin. Similar concepts that end up taking different paths.

But one thing remains true - if you want somebody to respect you and your beliefs, you've got to just be yourself. ESPECIALLY when it comes to Jesus. I think almost everyone (Christians included) is on high alert when it comes to sincerity. 'Believers' are awesome when it comes to being angry, political, judgemental, loud, brash, ignorant and pushing our agendas. We are not so well known for just letting things "breathe". To allow people to come to their own conclusions as well as allowing them the space to question certain beliefs without practically excommunicating them. When will we learn that good leaders (no matter what the business) lead by example and not by shoving things down people's throats?

May There Be Peace To All This Christmas

Alright. I must make this quick, as I have to get to work... I've been holding off for months on saying this, as I wanted to articulate it well. But alas, lately I've felt as if I don't say anything, especially around Christmas, I'll just burst. So here's the short and sweet.

I work with folks with special needs. Throughout the years they have been marginalized and shuffled off to 'keep with their own kind'. As a society, we believe there's something wrong with them. Health insurance companies largely don't want to touch them and no one wants to believe that they can love, develop true relationships, get married, and have children. It's almost a joke to some to believe that they could possibly be successful in life. As a society, we're so scared of our babies being born with a deficiency, that we'll abort them. Some of us believe that a dead baby is better than a "broken" one.

I tend to want to punch people in the face for thinking such thoughts. I believe we're all cut from the same cloth by the one true God who created us all.

So it got me thinking... who else as a society, and especially as a church, have we marginalized because they don't look like us or it just seems 'unnatural? Minorities. Check. Women. Check. Homosexuals. Double Check.

For thirty years I believed what I was taught - that if you're gay, you're less than. You're dirty. Flamboyant. Filthy minds and lying tongues. You're cheap and promiscuous.You must be fixed. You've chosen to be this way. You can't really love Jesus and you must never ever be given any form of power, lest we all turn into perverts and child molesters. But a surprising fact began to emerge... some of these homosexuals, really did seem to love Jesus. And they didn't have fangs. And I wasn't going to catch whatever this horrible thing was that they must have all carried to make them this way.

And I started to think... if I believe that we're all cut from the same cloth by the one true God who created us all, why did I believe that he couldn't really love the gay population? Why did I think that he was so disappointed in them as a whole? What type of kool-aid had I been given? As a church, we're embarrassed that our forefathers treated folks of a different color worse than animals. It's almost horrible enough, that we kinda block it out. We were a pathetic example of Jesus. As a church, why are we going down the same path then, with the gay and lesbian community? Do we really want our children blocking out our deeds and pathetic beliefs?

If Jesus really came to save us all. If he really came because we are all jacked up. If he really existed and is searching out those who have been discarded and unloved and are seen as misfits... then he must love us all. 

May your Christmas be filled with much love and peace.

40 Confessions (I think I should have been catholic)

1) I really dislike brown picture frames. I'm actually using one right now for a Christmas gift, but it's a deep brown and it looks manly, so it fits the gift.

2) Candles make me ridiculously happy. I'm burning 2 right now.

3) I don't tell my friends enough how much I really love them and how great they really are. But I'm afraid that if I do, they won't take me seriously. Or I'll look like a stalker.

4) I love my dog more than I ever thought I could.

5) The clearance aisle in Hobby Lobby is really the place to shop.

6) I had 62 gifts to give out this year. Less than 12 were completely store bought. I only spent $6.25 on average per gift. I feel completely satisfied in this knowledge.

7) I have no desire to go back to see my therapist because I'm ashamed that I've gained 20 lbs.

8) I think I agreed to run a 1/2 marathon with Kristen Dooley in May. omg. OMG.

9) I have a tendency to say hurtful things without meaning to.

10) I have a very difficult time forgiving myself. I'm actually better at it than I used to be, but there's just some stuff...

11) I think it's harder to forgive yourself than it is others.

12) That being said, I still haven't forgiven a few people. I simply can't find it in me. I know it's wrong, but I'm not going to "fake" forgive somebody in order to attempt to clear my conscious.

13) I like feeling important.

14) I'm going back to Nigeria in May. I'm pretty stoked.

15) It's still easier for me to be friends with guys, or at least trust male friends more than females. But I am trying to work diligently on this.

16) I have favorites. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I think this would make a terrible attribute in a parent.

17) I think I just burned out the motor in my blender this morning. Oops.

18) I struggle with anxiety, depression and ocd. It's getting easier to handle, but still.

19) If you don't think there's anything wrong with today's government, just sit through a 90 minute health insurance meeting.

20) I've never really thought Fox News was fair and balanced. Ever.

21) I judge people who watch Fox News. It makes me uncomfortable to go into doctor's office's when it's the only thing on.

22) I have the most absolute random hair that grows out of my back. I hate it.

23) I bought a pair of awesome green jelly shoes at Kroger for like, a buck this summer. I love green and I love jelly shoes. However, they hurt so stinking bad. But I still wear them as a way to get back at my mom for throwing mine away when I was little. She has no idea that I probably even own jelly shoes, let alone remembers throwing my old ones away. I think the only person I'm hurting is me. But I still have a twinge of "I'll show her!" when I wear them.

24) Sometimes I do really dumb things.

25) I hate feeling stupid and vulnerable. It kinda makes me angry.

26) I hate feeling angry because I feel stupid and vulnerable.

27) Do you ever have a teeny tiny fart slip out and just run up your butt crack? They don't make noise or smell, but goodness, do they feel funny. It's like a fish is trying to swim out your butt hole.

28) Youth scare the crap out of me. Large groups of children do as well.

29) I can't believe I'm getting ready to turn 32. THIRTY-TWO!

30) I have a hard time staying on task.

31) I hate all church journey's. Actually, I hate long periods of time when as a group we're supposed to be focused on one thing. Maybe it goes back to #30. I think I understand the importance of the idea, but I just tend to feel like it's trying to manufacture something that's already there for some small groups.

32) Part of me is ashamed of gaining so much weight. The other part of me isn't disgusted by myself anymore but feels like I should be. Another part of me doesn't see a difference from the old me to the skinnier me to the whateverIamnow me.

33) My views on theology and grace and life and family have shifted in some significant ways over the last year or two. I think this is healthy and natural to an extent and I'm at peace with most all of it.

34) Even if I could have a kid, I'm not sure that I could afford one.

35) I really really love my career. I feel guilty about thinking of giving that up to have a kid. But I still kinda want one. But there are a lot of deep seeded issues that follow.... sigh.

36) I can't make myself puke. I've tried.

37) I don't wish that I was a millionaire or "rich", but I do wish that I had enough money to just buy "whatever" without budgeting. But doesn't everybody?

38) I'm actually probably a little too proud of where I live.

39) I just realized in the last week that I don't care very much about presentation. Isaac was astonished by the fact that I just discovered this about myself.

40)  I am no longer the manager of The Q City Players Comedy Improv Troupe. It was a fun run, but it's just time. I'm at total peace with it.

So There I Was, Hanging On For Dear Life, Like A Dingle Berry...

Beginning of my freshman year of college, my roommate and I did the whole bunk bed thing. I slept on the top bunk, and Dana was on the bottom. It seemed only fair, as she was a petite 4'11.

Because of the placement of our furniture, in order to get to bed, I had to climb from my desk chair to my desk to the wooden planks to reach the top. I think it's really a toss up between me being a giant wuss, and just having tender feet, but I always had to wear my soccer sandals to bed. I found it nearly impossible to climb without their support.

Most of my friends simply jumped off of their beds when they desired to go somewhere. Not me. The fear of almost everything had been successfully ingrained in my heart, thanks to a fantastic combination of DNA and my mother : ) I'd always climb back down, grasping the bed like a scared monkey.

One afternoon, while perched on my mattress, I made up my mind - today was going to be the day that I conquered my fear - I was gonna jump off. It seemed like the perfect time, since the door was shut and I was all alone in my room. With sweaty palms, I inched closer and closer to the side of the bed. Eventually, I got to the point where I was just dangling off the side, the last of my butt cheeks hanging on for dear life. I'm 5'8,  so looking back there was probably only inches of space between myself and the floor. However, to me, I felt suspended in fear, unable to pull myself back onto the bed and unwilling to let go. I was a cosmic dingle berry.

What I lacked in courage, I also lacked in muscle tone. I had to let go. There was no other way out. I stretched as far I could, toes pointed downward, eyes shut.... For about .5 seconds, the wind was rushing through my hair, I felt strong, courageous. I was every woman. Tom Petty's Free Falling was the soundtrack of my life. And then it happened, in my effort to make every cm count, I had kept my feet pointed downward the entire time, hence my athletic sandals reaching the ground first, and consequently, literally flipping me on my face like a flapjack.

And that was the last time I attempted to jump off my bunk bed.
The End.