Wednesday, December 21, 2011

May There Be Peace To All This Christmas

Alright. I must make this quick, as I have to get to work... I've been holding off for months on saying this, as I wanted to articulate it well. But alas, lately I've felt as if I don't say anything, especially around Christmas, I'll just burst. So here's the short and sweet.

I work with folks with special needs. Throughout the years they have been marginalized and shuffled off to 'keep with their own kind'. As a society, we believe there's something wrong with them. Health insurance companies largely don't want to touch them and no one wants to believe that they can love, develop true relationships, get married, and have children. It's almost a joke to some to believe that they could possibly be successful in life. As a society, we're so scared of our babies being born with a deficiency, that we'll abort them. Some of us believe that a dead baby is better than a "broken" one.

I tend to want to punch people in the face for thinking such thoughts. I believe we're all cut from the same cloth by the one true God who created us all.

So it got me thinking... who else as a society, and especially as a church, have we marginalized because they don't look like us or it just seems 'unnatural? Minorities. Check. Women. Check. Homosexuals. Double Check.

For thirty years I believed what I was taught - that if you're gay, you're less than. You're dirty. Flamboyant. Filthy minds and lying tongues. You're cheap and promiscuous.You must be fixed. You've chosen to be this way. You can't really love Jesus and you must never ever be given any form of power, lest we all turn into perverts and child molesters. But a surprising fact began to emerge... some of these homosexuals, really did seem to love Jesus. And they didn't have fangs. And I wasn't going to catch whatever this horrible thing was that they must have all carried to make them this way.

And I started to think... if I believe that we're all cut from the same cloth by the one true God who created us all, why did I believe that he couldn't really love the gay population? Why did I think that he was so disappointed in them as a whole? What type of kool-aid had I been given? As a church, we're embarrassed that our forefathers treated folks of a different color worse than animals. It's almost horrible enough, that we kinda block it out. We were a pathetic example of Jesus. As a church, why are we going down the same path then, with the gay and lesbian community? Do we really want our children blocking out our deeds and pathetic beliefs?

If Jesus really came to save us all. If he really came because we are all jacked up. If he really existed and is searching out those who have been discarded and unloved and are seen as misfits... then he must love us all. 

May your Christmas be filled with much love and peace.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

40 Confessions (I think I should have been catholic)

1) I really dislike brown picture frames. I'm actually using one right now for a Christmas gift, but it's a deep brown and it looks manly, so it fits the gift.

2) Candles make me ridiculously happy. I'm burning 2 right now.

3) I don't tell my friends enough how much I really love them and how great they really are. But I'm afraid that if I do, they won't take me seriously. Or I'll look like a stalker.

4) I love my dog more than I ever thought I could.

5) The clearance aisle in Hobby Lobby is really the place to shop.

6) I had 62 gifts to give out this year. Less than 12 were completely store bought. I only spent $6.25 on average per gift. I feel completely satisfied in this knowledge.

7) I have no desire to go back to see my therapist because I'm ashamed that I've gained 20 lbs.

8) I think I agreed to run a 1/2 marathon with Kristen Dooley in May. omg. OMG.

9) I have a tendency to say hurtful things without meaning to.

10) I have a very difficult time forgiving myself. I'm actually better at it than I used to be, but there's just some stuff...

11) I think it's harder to forgive yourself than it is others.

12) That being said, I still haven't forgiven a few people. I simply can't find it in me. I know it's wrong, but I'm not going to "fake" forgive somebody in order to attempt to clear my conscious.

13) I like feeling important.

14) I'm going back to Nigeria in May. I'm pretty stoked.

15) It's still easier for me to be friends with guys, or at least trust male friends more than females. But I am trying to work diligently on this.

16) I have favorites. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I think this would make a terrible attribute in a parent.

17) I think I just burned out the motor in my blender this morning. Oops.

18) I struggle with anxiety, depression and ocd. It's getting easier to handle, but still.

19) If you don't think there's anything wrong with today's government, just sit through a 90 minute health insurance meeting.

20) I've never really thought Fox News was fair and balanced. Ever.

21) I judge people who watch Fox News. It makes me uncomfortable to go into doctor's office's when it's the only thing on.

22) I have the most absolute random hair that grows out of my back. I hate it.

23) I bought a pair of awesome green jelly shoes at Kroger for like, a buck this summer. I love green and I love jelly shoes. However, they hurt so stinking bad. But I still wear them as a way to get back at my mom for throwing mine away when I was little. She has no idea that I probably even own jelly shoes, let alone remembers throwing my old ones away. I think the only person I'm hurting is me. But I still have a twinge of "I'll show her!" when I wear them.

24) Sometimes I do really dumb things.

25) I hate feeling stupid and vulnerable. It kinda makes me angry.

26) I hate feeling angry because I feel stupid and vulnerable.

27) Do you ever have a teeny tiny fart slip out and just run up your butt crack? They don't make noise or smell, but goodness, do they feel funny. It's like a fish is trying to swim out your butt hole.

28) Youth scare the crap out of me. Large groups of children do as well.

29) I can't believe I'm getting ready to turn 32. THIRTY-TWO!

30) I have a hard time staying on task.

31) I hate all church journey's. Actually, I hate long periods of time when as a group we're supposed to be focused on one thing. Maybe it goes back to #30. I think I understand the importance of the idea, but I just tend to feel like it's trying to manufacture something that's already there for some small groups.

32) Part of me is ashamed of gaining so much weight. The other part of me isn't disgusted by myself anymore but feels like I should be. Another part of me doesn't see a difference from the old me to the skinnier me to the whateverIamnow me.

33) My views on theology and grace and life and family have shifted in some significant ways over the last year or two. I think this is healthy and natural to an extent and I'm at peace with most all of it.

34) Even if I could have a kid, I'm not sure that I could afford one.

35) I really really love my career. I feel guilty about thinking of giving that up to have a kid. But I still kinda want one. But there are a lot of deep seeded issues that follow.... sigh.

36) I can't make myself puke. I've tried.

37) I don't wish that I was a millionaire or "rich", but I do wish that I had enough money to just buy "whatever" without budgeting. But doesn't everybody?

38) I'm actually probably a little too proud of where I live.

39) I just realized in the last week that I don't care very much about presentation. Isaac was astonished by the fact that I just discovered this about myself.

40)  I am no longer the manager of The Q City Players Comedy Improv Troupe. It was a fun run, but it's just time. I'm at total peace with it.