so I've been toying with/meaning to write this blog entry for, um like 2 or 3 weeks now. I kept wussing out. But then I read my buddy Chris Day's blog yesterday http://drivingwithoutmirrors.blogspot.com/2009/03/lets-confess.html (I wish I was cool enough to figure out a simple link, but I'm not) and it spurred me on. If Chris is willing to be take a risk and stick his neck out, then I am too.
So, here are my confessions. I'm guessing someone else out there might feel/deal with some of these same issues... I believe that there's healing and freedom in confessing. At least I think/hope there is.
* I have an issue with over eating. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, tired, nervous, scared, whenever. Sometimes I get really upset about my over eating problem and then I eat more because I'm so upset.
* I don't really diet because I don't ever think I'll look any different.
* Sometimes I have trouble with the way that I look. Actually, I almost always have trouble with the way I look, it's just that sometimes it gets really bad. Sometimes I feel that I look like a monster.
* I wonder if my friends think I am a slob who eats too much. I wonder if they consider me their 'fat friend'.
* I recently found out that a good friend wears the same size clothes as me. I don't think she's fat. So I'm confused on why I think I'm so horrendous some days.
* I weigh more than most of the men/friends in my life.
* I think I am a bad wife.
* I have a bad temper
* I expect an e-mail/phone call back immediately after I've sent one. I realize this is ridiculous, yet it still irks me
* It really bothers me that I am mediocre at some many things. I have trouble pin pointing something I am excellent at.
* I don't think any employers would ever want to hire me
* I have weird hair that grows out of my neck sometimes. This bothers me.
* I don't yet understand what it means to be a wife and a Christian and go after your own dreams.
* I hate people telling me what to do.
* I want everyone to like me. I don't really understand why some don't.
* I feel like a failure when people don't tell me how much they love me. This is petty, I know.
* I'm jealous of how talented my husband is.
* My church encouraged us in the beginning of '09 to pick one point in our lives that we would change. I figured I should lose weight, but I didn't pray about any of it. I was terrified to hear God say that I was fat. That would have been too much. So I just didn't do anything. I at least kept coming to church. But I hated that series.
I could probably go on and on for another 10 minutes, but I won't. This should be enough ammo for you to judge me/hate me with. haha. sigh.
2 comments:
Oh, God has so so many good things he wants to tell his daughter Jenny.
strange how it seems we see ourselves through different lens than other people (and God) sees us. I know i am good at self-condemnation and shouldn't do it. easy to say but sometimes hard to do. Once we're in Christ Jesus, there's NO condemnation (Romans 8). not for my sis in Christ, Jenny.
NO condemnation for Jenny, that is.
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